Kenapa kita mengeluh?

Sometimes I wish, I can be one with strong personalities, having people respect my word, look up high on me, producing qualified works, bla bla bla...

Huh... is it because of my life style or personalities or something else that makes people treating me like this? Is this considered as taking advantage on people's weakness or is this called my mistakes?

Education doesn't make us a stronger person I guess, but it's a must to remain a stable life..

How to solve this thing???

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Dear God

Aku cuma nak bjaya dalam pelajaran dan sihat selalu. Tu je. Bukan utk dri sendri, tp utk Si Debab. Supaya bila msa depan da tjamin, kitorang dapat kawin cpat, jauh dr dosa, bahagia sampai mati.. Ikutkan hati, mmg nk kawin a.s.a.p, tp aku xnk if worst case, aku gagal, orang keliling jadikan marriage tu punca, aku xnk orang pk, suma sbb dia. And aku xnk gagal. Mane lg nk keje lau da kene buang t? Camne nk idop?

Right now, I really feel dumb and useless tahap otromen. Paeza ckp, muka da mcm zombie. Am I? Tdo xlena,  memanjang berpikir, tdo pon sambil berpikir, xde selera nk mkn, mkn pon sambil nangis. Haru. Betul2 rase tcekik cam lg sesaat nk kol 8 pg n merah punch card.

Skang nga semester break, tp xtenang pon. Hai ketenangan, datanglah kau mambang...Result da kua..Ok, memuaskan kot, tp xcukup cemerlang. xstrike A. Terasa diri amat bodoh.

Activity rini ->; kol orang memanjang sampai abes kredit. Seeking for life line. Still in search...

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Raya 2010

Finally at home. Smlm sampai. Demam lak. But it's ok.. Family? As usual, keeps making me feels lousy, useless. I wish I could be a better man. My lil bro bought Sony vaio lappy n he's comparing his and mine one. Why is it me, the one that always have more money incapable of supporting myself to have good stuff? I realize that my lappy is bought upon needs beating down the time, but this is what i managed to afford n i love my lappy; it's bought in advance by my fiancee considering my needs. Mama ckp, da keje, ada gaji, watpe susahkan dri blaja, dia xsuh blaja, yg gatal blaja watpe? Niece dia, baru keje, da bli kete. tp aku, da lame keje, kete pon xde. My lil bro, looking down on me, sbb study kat upm. Katanye upm sijil xlaku. Ha...all these time, xpnah pon aku mintak tlg diowg bla susah, n they never really pushed me to one even bla tau aku susah. I shouldn't really care bout all those words. It's just that they came from my bloodline who never act like one.

Pg raya? Still stranded kat Pt Raja. It's ok. Slama ni pon, raya xpnah ada pape makna. Kenny called, few times, tp aku reject. xnk dia bising aku xbalik raya, xsiap baju raya, xbli kuih raya, xuruskan diri pg raya. Dia sentiasa pastikan on times like this, everything's ready for me even tak sambut raya. Does everyone around me must be paid in order to care on me like he does?

Manusia mmg satu2nya species yg Allah cipta dan bersifat kejam. Even animals care to love on stranger. Tp manusia, lom tentu lg kta sentiasa baik, bsama ngan dia, they will stand by when we're  in pinch.

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Haa...~

Smlm....nek angin ngan student. Pak Arab. Da tegur, xmkn saman, nk gak melawan. Pe lg, angin aku pon nek la satu badan. Pas kelas, dia dtg jumpa ngan team member dia, tp aku ckp bm, sebab da hangin ngan dia. Tp bla da blik...nyesal lak marah dia...Pastu ckp bm, mane la dia paham...Pepandai la member dia explain kat dia.

Blik lunch td, selisih ngan student, aku atas moto. Rasa segan lak. Mesti dia pandang rendah, owg yg ajar dia, nek moto je, xde kete. Rase mcm low sangat. Tp...aku suka moto...Lg pon aku kan mabok nek kete, so xde la harap sangat nk ada kete...

Td, da hantar application cuti blajar. Hopefully sumanya lancar..Risau da ni..Proposal xcomplete, tp men redah je antar ape yg ada. Td sambung wat lg, then mintak tlg 'akak' check 1 ayat ni, then dia komen la sumanya...Katanye penulisan aku x akademik langsung. Ttiba rasa diri sangat2 tidak berguna. Tah la, i want to write digestable things. Bkn senang nk membaca. Kan bek ckp terang dan nyata dr ckp berkias? Tah la, mungkin pembacaan aku tend to fall on user, corporate...so lenggok bahasa x mcm jurnal...Haish...I'll work on it.

Sabtu ni, nk g bli cincin...Cincin risik n tunang...Hope jumpa yg aku kenan n ok...Maybe beli brg2 tunang skali. Ktorang plan nk tunang ujong bln ni.

 

Tp mama...sangat menghampakan aku. She don't event think for me, to make what's best for me. Aku pon  xtau pe yg dia pk. xley trima suma ni. Tp ikotkan aje sebab mlas nk layan. T aku pon jd gile. Byk lg benda len nk kna pk.

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The naturally me

Td...someone says to me, there's no such thing as reading books in learning programming. Hurm, I'm a nerd, study hard type..Pndapat dia mmbuatkan aku rasa kecik sgt...Keje cam senang sgt pd dia..N aku rasa bodoh sgt. Luckily Zana ada, n dia confess yg dia pun hard copy type..Maybe dia tau ape ada dalam ati aku kot msa tu. Aku senyap je msa tu and take off my butt. Aku xnk orang pndang rendah pd aku lg..Tp it's just so hard to change who I am. Bila bercakap, intonasi aku manja even aku serius. Aku hanya keras pd orang those yg aku rasa ada bond ngan dia. Cam erza, wira, relatives cam paeza, wan..Even ngan apit pun aku xckp keras. Mkin lama, aku mkin benci ngan dri sndri. I think I have failed to live as a human. I'm useless. I can't even stand on my own..Kot..There's so much love inside me..n putting everybody before me..

Aku dok kejar keje tutor. Coz ni je jalan yg ada, n the best utk idop aku. Tp aku xrasa it fits me well..Aku sesuai belajar je kot...xsesuai keje..Rasa cam suma bende aku xreti buat. Suma hal dunia aku xtau. Tngok berite pun xpaham. xminat.. Aku xtau betul ke x perancangan idop aku ni. Umur dah bape..

Da la keje ni pojek cam xjalan2 lg...aku tkot xsempat siap on time..aku tkot aku xmampu buat...

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Syarahan Perdana

Td g forum...It feels kinda warm to be among them..Rings out old memories...Tp bla diowg ada ngan kelompok sndri, tetiba rasa tersisih lak..huhu...Gaji xmasuk lg...Aku da gile pokai nih...

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